


The nightmare you loved

by sizzzels



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Heavy Angst, phantom troupe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:09:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23775880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sizzzels/pseuds/sizzzels
Summary: Big angst with Chrollo and the Reader,Basically you confront him and he gets kind of hurt
Kudos: 26





	The nightmare you loved

It was like every other day. The same four walls youve seen yesterday , the day before , the day before it. You lost track of how long he has kept you here.  
You spent your days reading his books, cleaning because of pure boredom and thoughtlessly staring out the window. Although you did fear him, you enjoyed his presence from time to time. Chrollo was nothing near shallow when it came to talking about things. Your conversations sometimes even went on until early mornings as you two were so lost in the endless philosophy that is life and its humans.

Still, he was your captor and was always sure to reinforce that idea in your mind. You had your uncooperative moments and food strikes, rebellions to punish him for his actions.  
But he never seemed phased by it, simply looking at you like a parent at their child during a temper tantrum.  
He was always so collected, so calm. Put together and polite. You did not think he had any weaknesses. Well maybe a few, but he would never tell them to anyone, especially you.  
You threw so much hatred towards him, so many accusations. You told him how much you despised him, how awful and cruel he was. But he just smiled softly as he always did and left you alone.

Tonight was another story, though. 

"I'm home, my love."

You heard the door open and you collected your thoughts again. You were reading and spaced out some time after. Lost in your mind until Chrollo arrived.

"Ah, welcome back, Chrollo. How did your mission go?"

He seemed to be in a good mood. As always. You doubted if it was real or if he put up a facade again, which was quite common for him. The first few times it brought attention to you, you thought it was quite impressive. But he also did it when he was with you, which seemed odd. Maybe it was just a bad habit. Either way it made you feel self-conscious and you never knew how to react to it. 

"It went well. We have acquired everything we needed and got away with only killing a few. But how was your day, love? Have you been reading all day again?"

The mention of murder still made you tense up a bit, though it was normal for the troupe to take a few lives while they were at it. Chrollo's soft voice however made everything sound much more harmless, which was nice to listen to but also unnerving at the same time.

"Yes, I have. The mysteries of the human mind, to be exact. Would you like to talk about it with me for a bit? I have a few questions."

It was true that the book awoke some curiosity within you and now that you have gathered up the strength to confront him about his behavior, you wanted to initiate the conversation. 

"Id love to, darling. Let me get settled and change into something more comfortable and I will be right with you."

With that he left you. The room filled with silence again as you mentally prepared yourself for the time with Chrollo. What were you actually going to ask? Should you just be straightforward and tell him whats been bothering you? Maybe it wasnt such a good idea after all. Your mind was filled with scenarios of how this could play out. Anxiety started to infect your mind and before you knew, the door swung open again.

"Im back, my love. So whats on your mind, please let me be a part of it."

He entered the room again. Closing the door behind him, he approached you with a friendly, yet curious look. He seemed to have no intend on sitting down next to you as he lowered himself on a chair a few feet in front of you, intellegent grey eyes lingering on your frame.  
You were torn between talking about the book first or to just straight up ask your questions.

"So I -um. I always wanted to ask you this. Ever since Ive met you, it felt like you were hiding your true self. At first I thought itd be normal, as youre the leader of a highly wanted groupe of criminals. But youre also doing it in front of me. Is there a reason for this?"

Your eyes were fixated on his legs until you were done talking. Now looking up at his face you sensed a tad of confusion on his face. 

"Youre asking about my true self?"

It seemed like this was a rather dry subject to talk about on his side. He didnt make any effort to change it however, simply going along with you.

"Yes. You always tell me you love me, but putting on a mask doesnt actually match it."

Your words sounded more provoking than planned and you felt a bit bad, not wanting to shift this into an uncomfortable situation. Sure, Chrollo was manipulative and cruel from times, but he still interested you. He was nice and loving, if you cooperated. 

"Youre calling me out, y/n." 

A soft chuckle escaped his lips.

"Its not my intention to fool you. Im trying to be open about my feelings towards you. And I do love you. This is out of the question."

Your heart clenched at his words. You would never admit it, but you liked it when Chrollo told you that he loved you. Perhaps its because he had starved you of human intimacy for so long, you were dearly holding on to his.

"All Im saying is, you could have just been lying to me all this time. I know nothing about you personally. Frankly, I sometimes wonder if your name is actually Chrollo."

That was the issue you had. You did not know anything anymore. He manipulated you so much, you were unsure of everything. And with Chrollo being your only source of human contact, you had to rely on him. And sometimes you forgot that deep down, you still hated him, right? He took your family and friends, your life, your freedom.  
You noticed that he took offense in your words.

"I would never lie to you, y/n. Who do you think I am?"

Before you could collect yourself again, all these feeling came welling up. Forming a big lump in your throat. You felt the corners of your eyes begin to water. You knew that if you kept talking now, things would go ugly from there. Thats how it always ended, or not. You werent stupid and knew when to stop talking. His look warned you, watching carefully. But he didnt see defeat in your already red eyes.  
Not tonight, no. You would tell him how much pain he caused. And this time you wanted him to feel it. 

"I think youre my captor, Chrollo. And my biggest nightmare."

You began, the lump disappearing as words started spilling out of your mouth. He saw you cry so many times, but tonight you wouldnt give him the satisfaction. Swallowing your shaky voice and pathetic sniffles. Concentrating on the floor to keep your tears at bay.

"The only thing I know is that I should hate you. I should. But you even robbed me of this feeling aswell. You come home every day and Im happy that you do. Waiting patiently to be in your presence, to look at you. And when I do, I smile. Not because I feel the need to, but because you make me actually genuinely happy!"

Your voice started getting loud, slowly rising from your seated position. You looked him in the eyes. And as you expected, he didnt look phased by it at all. Letting you throw up your feelings, Chrollo listened silently. It did feel weird to him, though. You werent a sobbing mess yet and you didnt look like you would be in the next five minutes. So he decided to listen to you.

"You robbed me of everything and I say 'Thank you' for it. By spreading my legs whenever you want me to. By cooking for you, talking to you. I hate you so much. I hate you that you bent me into loving you."

Your voice growing louder, it reached its maximum and you were sure if anyone was still in the base, they could hear you clearly. You stopped, waiting for Chrollo's response, for some kind of reaction.  
He suddenly stood up, already towering you, he slowly approached you as not to scare you. You looked up at him, hot anger in your eyes. His showed nothing but coldness, he was getting impatient with you. Is this his true face? When his facade crumbles, will this be what is left of him?

"And the saddest thing is, you cant even answer all these questions yourself. Because you have no fucking idea who you are either."

You spat the last sentence in his face, emphasising every syllable of it. 

"You were never true to anyone in your life. Not even to your people, who would give their life for you."

Your voice getting quieter, youve calmed yourself a bit. What was left was your complete and utter disappointment. You looked into Chrollo's eyes and were shocked about what you were seeing.  
His gaze wasnt fixated on you anymore, merely staring blankly at the wall next to you. His eyes had lost any emotion. His mouth slightly agape, he looked like he was having a flashback. His skin even more pale than normally, turning a sickly white. Did your words make an impact on him finally?

"Chrollo?"

The silence in the room was deafening, your hoarse voice croaked out. Youve never seen him like this. Did he die?  
You began to feel extreme guilt and worry.  
Again, tears pricked at your eyes. You stared at your captor in disbelief. The nightmare you loved.

"Chrollo, please talk to me. Im so sorry."

You felt him heave for air. His eyes slightly widening. He didnt look at you as he left the room again. Leaving you alone.


End file.
